Hi all,
Well I am home, thank God. I ended up with 2 ECT treatments. I was advised to stay and have more but I decided I didn't want anymore. I did well with the treatments but I felt better after the first treatment and didn't want to have more then I needed because of the memory loss that people had. I have noticed a little loss but nothing that concerns me. Some of the people that were getting treatments were like zombies and I didn't want to end up like that, so I told them I was feeling better and wanted to go home, (which was true). I also noticed that I was the only one who had a reason to be depressed. I think no matter who you are if your son committed suicide that would make you depressed. I am going to try my hardest to do whatever I need to do so that I don't get depressed like I did. I am feeling lonely and close to tears today. There is a difference in being depressed and grieving, (I keep telling myself that). I came home on Monday. So far I haven't had those dreams where I laugh and get loud like a crazy person. The 4th of July is coming and I can't wait until I am through that. It will be a year to the day. Part of the discharge plan was to work with my therapist to get through the 4th. I can't think of anyway to get through the 4th and not think about the chaplin coming to the door ect.... I am feeling angry at Jeramy because it really sucks to have to think about his suicide, especially since it didn't have to happen. I think quiting life and leaving loved ones was the worst thing he could have done. I never thought I'd find myself on a mental health ward in a hospital. This has been the worst year I have had to go through, it has to get better.
I hope that you all are doing fine. The hospital's computer crashed after I sent Shirley the email so I wasn't able to keep up with what was going on with Clouds.
Love and hugs,
Well I am home, thank God. I ended up with 2 ECT treatments. I was advised to stay and have more but I decided I didn't want anymore. I did well with the treatments but I felt better after the first treatment and didn't want to have more then I needed because of the memory loss that people had. I have noticed a little loss but nothing that concerns me. Some of the people that were getting treatments were like zombies and I didn't want to end up like that, so I told them I was feeling better and wanted to go home, (which was true). I also noticed that I was the only one who had a reason to be depressed. I think no matter who you are if your son committed suicide that would make you depressed. I am going to try my hardest to do whatever I need to do so that I don't get depressed like I did. I am feeling lonely and close to tears today. There is a difference in being depressed and grieving, (I keep telling myself that). I came home on Monday. So far I haven't had those dreams where I laugh and get loud like a crazy person. The 4th of July is coming and I can't wait until I am through that. It will be a year to the day. Part of the discharge plan was to work with my therapist to get through the 4th. I can't think of anyway to get through the 4th and not think about the chaplin coming to the door ect.... I am feeling angry at Jeramy because it really sucks to have to think about his suicide, especially since it didn't have to happen. I think quiting life and leaving loved ones was the worst thing he could have done. I never thought I'd find myself on a mental health ward in a hospital. This has been the worst year I have had to go through, it has to get better.
I hope that you all are doing fine. The hospital's computer crashed after I sent Shirley the email so I wasn't able to keep up with what was going on with Clouds.
Love and hugs,
Every 20 minutes a child is dx
with Autism
